You might be in a relationship
with a loyal partner, but experts suggest it doesn’t take much temptation to
stray. Thankfully, you don’t need to be Sherlock Holmes to know if there are
warning signs an affair is looming.
Amy Iverse, London-based
performance coach and doctor says that it is not that tough to spot a disloyal
partner. She says there are definitive warning signs an affair is looming.
“No matter how strong you believe
your relationship to be, it is likely there will come a day when your partner
feels tempted,” she reportedly told Femail.
Women can spot warning signs an
affair is looming
Iverse explained that “Infidelity
can be so painful, we often make ourselves blind to the signs.”
She said that while women may not
be honest with themselves about an affair, they are intuitive and they must
trust their instincts.
“We instinctively know when
something is up. We have a sixth sense, and we should trust that,” she told the
daily.
Iverse added that each
relationship is different. But there are indicators that proceed an affair.
“If you are smart and informed,
you might even be able to avert the affair before it starts,” she says adding
that all you need to do is ask yourself five questions. They will tell you if
you really need to worry about your partner or it’s all just fiction.
Five questions that act as
warning signs an affair is looming
What does his upbringing reveal?
A 2015 study suggests that
children who come from broken families are more likely to cheat on their
partners when they grow up. Similarly, a troubled childhood can also push
people over the edge as a result of the need for more attention.
A formal or strict upbringing can
also increase sexual curiosity and even drive sexual exploration.
A 2015 study proves that “Social
factors or environmental factors also play a significant role in the
development of adolescent sexuality. The attitude of the parents toward
sexuality, parenting style, peer relationship, cultural influences are the
important social factors which facilitates the sexual learning and decides the
sexual attitude of the adolescent.”
However, Iverse suggests that
none of these factors individually lead to infidelity. But, in tandem with each
other they can indicate the reason behind a cheating partner.
What does his previous behaviour
tell you?
In her second revelation, Iverse
asks women to deep dive into their partners’ behaviour before they were
married. Ask yourselves if he has had a previous affair. Was he addicted to a
sex or dating app? Did he often go for a (happy-ending) massage or watch
pornography?
Was he addicted to sex or does he
have any peculiar fetishes in the bedroom?
She suggests that any of these
are indicative of a tendency to cheat.
In addition, you can also find a
clue in his social circle. If he has a close-knit group of friends, many of
whom have a history of infidelity, he might consider it normal. His reaction to
his friends’ infidelity could be an indicator as well.
What is happening in his life
right now?
Many times, infidelity has more
to do with what’s happening in one’s life than just sex. Ask yourself: Has your
partner recently been given a promotion or has he been fired?
Iverse suggests that changes in
self-confidence can result in increased desire of sexual exploration. Death can
also act as an aphrodisiac. Studies suggest that the loss of a family member or
close friend can bolster the desire for casual sex.
Esther Perel, an authority on the
psychology of infidelity told the daily that the most common reason people have
an affair is because it helps them “feel alive.”
“After a brush with death, an
affair lets a man grasp life with both hands,” Perel adds.
Is he behaving differently?
Another indicator is an obvious
change in behaviour at home. The excitement that one feels at the beginning of
a “forbidden” relationship can change a person’s behaviour.
In such a case, your partner may
even begin to spend more time obsessing about his looks. A change in lifestyle
including style of dressing, colognes and even hitting the gym (when previously
he ignored it) could become routine.
Remember that an affair also
requires planning. So you might notice him taking calls in another room or
engaging heavily on social media. These are definite warning signs an affair is
looming.
In addition, if he talks too much
about somebody in his social circle, chances are he has developed a soft spot
for them. In the early stages of your relationship, he may not be planning an
affair so he might discuss such things with you. This is your chance, advises
Iverse, to be vigilant and stop him when you can.
On the other hand, ask yourself
if your relationship feels different somehow. If he is showering you with gifts
or attention or running away from answering some emotional questions, chances
are he is doing these things to cope with the guilt of infidelity.
Has your relationship or anything
in life changed?
Your husband’s infidelity is not
about you. Well, not always. But sometimes, just sometimes, it can be.
Changes within your life —
personal or professional — can trigger this behaviour in your partner. The
reason for most infidelities is the desire to feel needed. If you have been
spending most of your time in the office or with your kids, or if you’re just
focused your house and not enough in your marriage, it could make your partner
feel neglected.
If there is a gap in your
relationship, it may be used as reason for your partner to look for “love”
elsewhere. So look within as well.
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