‘I’m sorry.’ The two simple yet
powerful words couples might have difficulty saying at the right time. As we
all know, relationships aren’t perfect. This permits the possibility that
sometimes, we might utter or do wrong and hurtful things to our partners.
This means that once we hurt our
spouse (whether deliberately or accidentally), their impact are bound to take
effect on our loved one consequently, affecting the relationship.
The remedy for doing wrong is by
apologizing. But unfortunately, sincere apologies are tough to carry out.
Thankfully, this step-by-step guide is all the difference to ace an apology
game.
Admit you’re wrong
Perhaps one of the mistakes
individuals make when apologizing, is refusing to admit their wrong doing.
Selfishness, pride, and the need to always be right are a few flaws manifesting
during an awful apology.
Contrarily, when apologizing
correctly, it is important to first admit the wrongful act. It doesn’t matter
whether your mind keeps repeating how ‘totally right you handled the (wrongful)
situation’. By humbling yourself and placing the happiness of your partner first,
you can go about apologizing the right way.
Take care to choose your words
wisely. For instance, never say something silly like, ‘I apologize if the way I
acted offended you’, or ‘I’m sorry that you think I did the wrong thing’. These
two phrases although masked as apologies, simple denote that; ultimately you
are right and your partner (is merely being dramatic) for finding your actions
or words offensive.
Try using more precise words or
phrases expressing your acknowledgement of wrong-doing instead. For instance,
saying, ‘I am sorry for the way I acted earlier’, or ‘I am sorry. I shouldn’t
have said the things I said earlier.’ These phrases successfully convey that
you have manned (or womaned) up to accept your errors.
Admit that you hurt your partner’s feelings
After you have passed through
stage 1 successfully, your partner will need to hear that you also hurt their
feelings. Remember you and your partner are a team hence, in communicating your
apology, acknowledging both of you as
major subjects in the matter is paramount.
How exactly did you hurt your
partner’s feelings? Was it what you said or did? Did you refer to them as
‘lazy’, ‘slow’, ‘stubborn’, etc. Did you passive-aggressively refuse to speak
to them throughout the week and etcetera? Whatever it was, you have to openly
admit to your spouse that although you said or did those things, you’re equally
aware that their feelings were hurt.
Remember, you cannot rebuild your
relationship without first addressing those things that went collapsed (went
wrong).
Express your remorse sincerely
To express remorse typically
means the manner in which you demonstrate your regretful acknowledgement of an
offence you committed.
Language, tone of voice, facial
expression and body language must all play together in convincing your partner
that you’re truly apologetic for failing them.
It is for this reason that
apologies to your spouse (no matter how little), must be done face-to-face.
This way they can feel, sense and see the sincerity of your expression of
regret.
Offer to make amends
Offering to make amends after an
apology is different from buying your spouse’s affection. This simple
difference is often misinterpreted by some couples making the error of trying
to buy the affection of the offended partner through gifts,and cash.
The aforementioned strategy is
only short-lived with repercussions lasting for long.
Instead try to make practical and
sustainable amends. If you’re finding it difficult, ask your partner how you
can make it up and down.
If they however, insist you
figure it out on your own, get to work and figure it out. Consult books and
relationship experts to point you in the right direction.
Do not impose forgiveness on your partner
Having practised stages 1 to 4,
it’s only human that you expect your partner’s instant forgiveness. But this
isn’t always the case. Just as individual faces differ, so also do their
personality and consequently, their response to forgiveness.
Should your partner not have
admitted they have forgiven you, be patient. Never try to blackmail your
partner emotionally to forgive you. Rather give them time (and space, if they
request it), to process your apology, the situation, and how they feel about
you afterwards. In due time, if your apology was sincere as is your show of
repentance, they’ll come around.
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