Bisi Fayemi, feminist activist
and the wife of Ekiti state governor, Kayode Fayemi has called out people
especially women who condemned Busola Dakolo, wife of singer, Timi Dakolo, who
recently accused the Senior Pastor of the Commonwealth of Zion Assembly COZA,
Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo, of raping her when she was 17.
Bisi Fayemi, while narrating her
own near-rape experience says she is appalled by the number of women who have
come out to shame and condemn Busola for speaking up.
In an article she shared with the
press, Mrs. Fayemi says the culture of shaming rape victims and forcing them to
silence their pain in Nigeria must stop.
In her opinion, ”any adult who
has a sexual relationship with a girl under the age of 18 is committing
statutory rape, there is no such thing as consensual sex with a minor”.
Addressing the backlash Busola
has received for speaking about the rape incident 20 years after, Mrs Fayemi
wrote
”Over and over, supporters of the
Pastor and some who claimed neutrality kept asking why Busola decided to speak
up twenty years after the rape took place. Why is she speaking out now? Why did
she not say something at the time? I could not believe some of the things
people were saying, including those who ought to know better. Busola Dakolo and
her husband Timi received unprecedented support for their bravery, the court of
public opinion seems to be in their favour. However, I could not help but
wonder how we got to where we are, a society blissfully unaware of the war that
has been waged consistently on the bodies of women and girls from one
generation to the next. Women don’t talk about what happened to them as girls
or as adults because of the implications – shame, stigma, punishment,
rejection. I am even more appalled at the number of women who have added their
voices in the shaming of Busola. If you cannot say anything to support another
woman in pain, say nothing. Keep quiet. If you are a fan of the accused Pastor,
support him if you want, but you don’t have to call his accuser names.
Mrs Fayemi went on to share
stories of how she was almost abused when she was a child and how her gut as a
child and her mother’s immediate stand saved her from being a victim
When I was ten years old, my
mother brought a male teenage relative to live with us to help around the
house. His name was Sina. He slept on a mattress on the floor with my younger
brother, while I was on the bed with one of my young Aunts. One night, before I
fell asleep, I felt my bed covers being pulled. I pulled them back up. It happened
again and I did the same thing. The third time, I allowed the covers to be
pulled off totally to be sure I was not making a mistake. I sat up and asked
Sina what he was doing. He said ‘nothing’. I stayed awake for most of the
night. First thing in the morning, I went to tell my mother. She did not yell
at me. She did not scream and call me a liar. By the time I got back from
school, Sina was gone and we never saw him again. We never had any male
relatives live with us after that.
When I was in secondary school
and home for the holidays, I was around thirteen at the time, I told my father
I wanted to learn how to swim. There was this young man who lived next door, he
used to run errands for my father, we called him Brother Lai. My father asked
Brother Lai to take me and my Aunt to Airport Hotel, Ikeja, to teach us how to
swim. My first swimming lesson was my last. Brother Lai held me from behind,
teaching me how to kick my feet under the water, while at the same time
pressing himself against me and touching me inappropriately. When I asked him
why he was doing that, he asked, ‘Can’t I play with you’? The next day, when he
came around for us to go for the next lesson, I refused. I never told my
parents what happened, I just mumbled something about not liking water. I was
afraid of causing trouble. I did not want Brother Lai to be sent away on my
account, the same way Sina was frog-marched to the motor park by my mother. I
did not want my parents to think I was in some way encouraging these men to be
inappropriate towards me. So, I said nothing and just stayed out of Brother
Lai’s way. Brother Lai had never given any indication that he was anything
other than a respected older brother figure. I was however literally placed in
his hands and he saw an opportunity and took advantage of it. That is what
predators do, they wait for opportunities to present themselves and then they
abuse trust and innocence. With hindsight, I shudder at the naivety of my
trusting parents. I, however, learnt to appreciate my mother’s response to my
claims, it could have gone differently. What if my mother had not believed me?
What if Brother Lai had come into our house and I had let him in, and he had
proceeded to attack me in my own home?
Rape allegation by Busola Dakolo
against Pastor Biodun continues to generate reactions from all quarters, even
has the embattled stepped down as the senior pastor of COZA.
Busola has, however, reported the
case to the police.
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