Many ladies are guilty of settling down with Mr Right Now instead of Mr Right, simply because they couldn't tell the difference between the two.
It is important that you are able to differentiate between the boy you date and the man you marry.
Marriage is supposed to be a lifetime arrangement, and not something you get in and out of at your convenience.
According to YourTango, here are 10 ways to know if you've found 'The One' or if you still have to keep searching.
- What do you truly want in life (and in a mate)? It's easy to confuse needs and wants, but what we want is not always not what we need, and vice versa. You require different things in your life at different seasons. For instance, hooking up with a guy who has his life together while you're still struggling to finish school, find a job, rebuild your life, or establish yourself is more of a hindrance than a catalyst (to both him and you). Poorly-timed relationships can unintentionally interfere with your focus. This typically results in you either delaying or abandoning your own goals altogether.
- What's your long-term vision? People change with time, and so will you. Right now, partying and shopping are the top priorities on your to-do list, but 10 years from now, will you still be interested in hanging out with your girls and shopping? As you mature, things you want today won't matter tomorrow. Think five and 10 years down the road, and weigh your now versus your long-term priorities. What's attractive in a boyfriend won't be attractive in a husband.
- Are you strong within yourself? Committing yourself to someone before you are truly ready is a prelude to disaster. Your number one priority should be getting your life together. That is something you need to do before bringing someone into your life. Every successful relationship requires a solid foundation.
- Do you two have the same vision about relationships? Do the two of you share the same views about friends of the opposite sex, spiritual practices, what you disclose to others (especially family members and friends), and the sharing of individual resources? Being on the same page about how a relationship works is crucial to long-term success.
- Do the two of you match? Do you have far more in common than you do differences? This is important because the primary reason that most relationships fail is because couples don't share common beliefs, don't possess shared values, or have mutual respect (or reverence) for the same things. The lack of communal consciousness is often the cause of much miscommunication, which will ultimately result in one, or both parties, feeling disrespected and deprecated. Those things lead to apathy and distrust. Without trust, respect, and compassion, even the strongest relationships will inherently fail.
- What are the most important character traits? Being with a guy who is awesome in bed but absolutely emotionally and financially irresponsible may not be a big deal to you now, but as time goes on, you will desire a stable family. So obviously, this guy is not a good partner for you in that respect. Be wise; assess the cost before starting a life's journey with a man.
- Do you like your relationship with him exactly as it is now? Personality type and personality traits remain stable over time. If you don't know your mates personality type, then try taking a MBTI to determine compatibility. Couples should get the facts about a partner's personality type before moving forward in any potentially long-term relationship. Because, it's very likely that your man's traits and preferences will not change. Would you want to spend the rest of your life with him exactly as he is right now? If not, he's not right for you.
- What do your doubts tell you? Are your doubts and fears about this man linked to your past experiences or your present expectations? Try paying attention to what your man says and does (do the two align?) and do the same thing with yourself. If you notice red flags or inconsistency in your behaviour or feelings, then pause going any further with the relationship until you understand why.
- How do you handle conflict? Conflict is an inherent part of every relationship. The issue isn't conflict itself, but how the two of you handle conflict. If either you are volatile, melts down, is self-centered, bears grudges, or avoids confronting issues, this is a red flag. You'll never successfully resolve problems that either of you won't admit are present. The fact that you and your mate are willing to put fires out together is a good indicator that your relationship can withstand pressure. However, if you're constantly feeling bombarded with one issue after another, that's a major warning sign.
- Where is this relationship heading? Stable relationships only happen when both parties have a structured plan for personal growth. If you aren't both thriving individually, you cannot thrive collectively or as a couple. The key here is make sure your individual life plans complement each other's if a future together is the goal.
The verdict...
If your answers are negative, or even doubtful, to at least 4 of those questions, you're probably dating Mr. Right Now, as opposed to Mr. Right.
If your answers were indecisive or negative to more than 6 of those questions, this is a relationship that should NOT move beyond the casual dating stage.
However, if over 8 of your answers reveal that these things are NOT an issue in your relationship, congratulations. This guy is a keeper. More than likely, this could be Mr. Right.
But, if he concurs that this is a significant relationship for him too, allow things to continue to develop organically.
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